What conservatives should give up for Lent

Today's the day when many Christians wake up from their booze-filled Mardi Gras frenzy, repent, rub ash on their foreheads and give up something really, really important to them for 40 days.

So what should the the self-proclaimed holiest of the parties give up for Lent? We have some ideas...

Red Meat. Conservative legislators across the country have been sinking their teeth into the middle class passing bills and budgets that would have the Joneses living on welfare. Budget cuts to social programs and ending collective bargaining are just the tip of the T-bone.

Alcohol. T-Pain, were he a progressive politico would say, "Blame it on the loopholes, got ya feelin' loose...blame it on the ta-ah-ah-ax cuts!" Yes, conservatives are crunk on tax cuts. It's gone beyond reading their lips to a full on mack session. Giving up tax cuts for Lent might help remove those booze-goggles to see the disaster they've left behind.

Sweets. Like the Goose, conservatives have gotten fat and probably diabetic on big corporation perks. Oh those sweet green Benjamins! But no, conservatives. You have to stop giving these billion dollar companies tax breaks and accepting their campaign contributions. It'll be hard, but we're here for you.

Smoking. Listening to the GOP go after health care is like sitting next to that smoker on the bus who can't stop hacking up his lungs: repetitive, unnerving and kinda gross.

Lying. This is really aimed at Fox News. $7 million damages to Wisconsin capitol? Rallies in Wisconsin with palm trees? Kenya, Kenya, Kenya? We can handle the truth because we already know what it is.

What else should conservatives give up for Lent?